Gossip from the village. issue1.
Welcome to the Rampwick gossip column. We thought you might be interested in the goings-on real and imagined in our local village as it sheds a light on the way humans co-exist (or not as the case may be).
Our chief informant is going under the pseudonym of 'Nutz' and he is a resident in the village which has the local nickname of 'Funnyfarm'.It actually sounds something like this , but for the purpose of anonymity, Funnyfarm will do. There are times when it seems quite apt. The chef at Rampwick has, for years been dealing with the village shop and putting our groceries on account which we pay for weekly. However, the Postmaster & general shopkeeper took a funny turn last week and said that we were being denied any further credit. In an age when 30 days is regarded commonplace this seemed absurd when we settle our account weekly but Sandra Burntbum the owner ( an ex- inmate) was adamant. So links have been severed and we order our goods from the next village whose shop has welcomed us with open arms. Strange old world. Actually, Sandra has been getting increasingly odd , charging 15p for plastic carrier bags she gets for free, and getting increasingly bizarre when it came to Post Office duties. Would you seriously expect someone to add and subract every single entry in a savings book to see if it came to the same total as when she did the same thing last week? I suppose we shouldn't judge her too harshly given that she was treated here for obsessive compulsive behaviour and perhaps the ECT machine wasn't getting up to full charge.
The local farmers are having a gala day this coming weekend and all around are looking forward to games on the moor, tractor racing , greasy pole over a slurry pit and numerous other exciting country diversions. Needless to say after the Emyr The Bad incident we are no longer asked to judge the prettiest sheep contest. We will however be taking a stall and offering 'have a go at ECT' plus a 'Diagnosis for a Fiver' facility.
On now to pretty strange goings on at the local GPs surgery. Our local GP (known locally as Harriet Shipman as she tells anyone of pensionable age to go away and stop bothering her) has also been getting strange, and has recently banned nurses from using their office in the surgery and says that they are no longer regarded as part of the practice! At the same time 'Nutz' informs us, an 'unnatural liason' is taking place between the female doctor and her receptionist.She has also been telling patients that all husbands are useless and disseminating extreme feminist propoganda! More later as the situation develops!
Well, that's about all your columnist has time for this issue and we hope that you will log in for further developments in the village of Funnyfarm and the hospital itself.